Back to Identity?And scrambled transmissions from Planet Cod.

They say , fear can stop you loving , love can stop your fear . Fear and Love . Put them in a boxing ring . Which would you bet your soul on . Cast aside your romantic gestures for a moment . We are BEASTS OF FLESH AND BLOOD ! i know that somehow , somehow … there is much more to us than that but the truth of the matter is that WE ARE ALL PRESENTLY RULED BY OUR FEAR ! Fear of humiliation , fear of humilation , fear of disassociation , fear of going without , fear of alienation , fear of pain , FEAR OF FEAR , fear of sacrifice , fear of emotion , fear oof intensity. Here’s something i think about often , INDUSTRIALIZATION OF YOUR COUNTRY , YOUR WORLD ! Man , i’ve come to a conclusion and it scares mme to admit it and it’s not an opion i want you to agree with i want but it seems to me there is no such thing as GOOD NOR BAD . Of course there is , but not in the sense that we have been led to believe . ‘You ever see that film 1984 ? There’s that coulple and they’re living in a version of Britain in which you are not aloud to love . You are not allowed to feel anything that the is not in order with what the government want you to . The two main characters , a man and a woman . Of course they fall in love but there are hidden cameras everywhere and so the government catch them out . They are arrested and taken to where they can be BRAINWASHED …! The mans name is Winston , his lovers name is Julia . They’re not interested in the couple simply agreeing not to be a couple . What they want is a betrayal that comes from the heart . They are both tortured into submittance .The moment of the film that speaks in accordance with what im saying is when they take Winston to room 101 , and they know his worst fear , they know he has a mortal fear of rats . And what they have is a helmet ,It’s a rat cage /helmet . There’s a rat inside it and they intensely threaten to put the cage on Winstons head . “NO … ” he screams “DO IT TO JULIA !” . And that’s what they wanted all along . They wanted to ground Winston down to his base instincts . At that level there is no such notion of SELF SACRIFICIAL LOVE ! Or is there ? WHAT IS LOVE ANYWAY ? REALLY , WHAT THE FUCK IS IT ? Hey , im just about to buy some chocalate . The coa coa in it causes a reaction in the brain that releases the sames chemical ya feel when ya lay eyes on that SPEACIAL SOMEONE . C’mon , what is it to you ? We have reached a point in our cultural development where the mainstream media is satureted with shit that’s only THERE TO ENTERTAIN YOU , NOT TO TEACH YOU ! So we are phsycoilogically obese with useless fuckin’; information . I grew up watching too much damn television . Too much , too much , too much . They got this bullshit thing they do on tv . They create two good for nothing good looking lightweight characters like ROSS AND RACHEL and they string us along their off and on off and on primrose road . HE LOVES ME , HE LOVES ME NOT . SHE LOVES ME SHE LOVES ME NOT . These characters are cut out to be identified with by us , the common class . They’re cut out just so , in order that we’ll see things in them that we see in our friends or in ourselves , only ROSS AND RACHEL LIVE FLUFFIER LIVES , They got nicer apartments , better jobs . IT’S BULLSHIT , BUT IT’S SO HYPNOTIC ! Yeah , TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES and Rachels heart never , ever , ever … EVER … stopped burning for Ross . Strap Ross to the Rack in room 101 and threaten him with the rat cage helmet . I can hear it already “NOOOOO , DO IT TO RACHEL ….!” Yeah , fuck it , do it to Rachel . They cut these characters out and broadcast them leading us along a predictable plot that never fails to suck us in . I have a problem with myself that i’ll take out on anyone who’ll read this shit because the very same problem exists in YOU !. Because you and me are suckers , man , not ’cause we watch T.V not ’cause we want fluffier lives of romance or what the fuck . We’re suckers because we get that smug warm feeling inside everytime we do something PaTHETIC like give a Big issue seller or begger some dollar for free . We do something small fry like lend somebody some money or let somebody off a debt , or some of a debt , and we sucker ourselves into some momentary self satisfaction . But the real GOOD GUY stuff takes fuckin’ guts . It takes endurance . I dont think anything you do , good or bad , is independent of your self esteem . There’s always something in it for you even if it’s just the feeling of having done something “selfless” . That’s quite a rush . It gives you the sensation of transcendence . Make some sacrifice and it’s there , if only at the back of your mind , that somebody owes you one . I’ve changed my opinion on Good and bad . I used to have all this fuckin’ warmth in my heart . I’d smile at anyone , everyone , say hello to strangers , talk to people at bus stops . Yeah , strangers were just friends you hadn’t met yet . Since then i’ve been through shit that has made me stranger to myself and to others . I’ve been kidnapped by hades , god of the dead and the unborn . I been sucked down into the bowels of both my own soul and the collective unconscious . People i regarded as good because they were friendly , through their unintentional lessons i learnt that “NICE IS LAME” . Niceness is not goodness . It’s easy to be nice . You’re nice to people and people are nice to you . But when you’re good to people , you maybe have to be honest with them an’ tell them something a nice person wouldn’t . When i’ve needed people to people be good to me , sit down and talk with me about something im going through , let me sleep at their house ’cause im homeless and in need of comfort . Most people have proved themselves to be lightweights in the moral support . People like to hear themselves say nice things like , im always there for you , if you need me etc etc etc … Ya cant pass off something like that like it’s a statement ’cause it’s either a promise or it’s not and if not … then dont bother saying it . Im guilty of most things ,because if it’s not something i’ve done , it’s something i’ve wanted to do .because i’ve bcome so twisted . But im trying to keep a hold of some supposed moral dignity . I’ve learnt not to promise things i cant deliver even if i want to be able to deliver . IM VERY FUCKIN’ WARY OF SAYING I’LL DO SOMETHING AHEAD OF TIME BECAUSE I NEVER REALLY KNOW HOW IM GONNA FEEL WHEN THE MOMENT ARRIVES . Yes sir/madame i’ve let a lot oif people down that way . Im sick of the way people try passing themselves off as NICE , PRETTY , BEAUTIFUL , PLEASANT . We’re making fools of ourselves . The value of our verbal currency is decreasing . “HOW ARE YOU , ALRIGHT ” is a greeting that for years made me feel obliged to say “yeah” even when i wasn’t . Nowadays i either tell people exactly what i think of the mood im in or i dont on account of the fact they’re so OBVIOUSLY UNINTERESTED . “Yeah im alright , how are you ?” “Im good” “oh , you’re good ?” “yeah …” “BULLSHIT , THERE AINT NO SUCH THING , well i mean there is but it’s not like how you …” Im gonna say something i’ve said before , i’ll say it now and i’ll say it again . We’re slipping . WE’VE GOTTEN SLOPPY AND WE’RE SLIPPING . The people feared by forces of authority are the people that hold sacred something bare , raw , priceless and unconvetional , LIFE . What most people settle for these days isn’t LIFE it’s a FADED SUBSTITUE , DILUTED BEYOND RECOGNITION WITH SUBMISSION AFTER SUBMISSION . FUCK ROSS AND RACHEL . Them and the like have got people thinking a relationship dies with its honymoon period . Im not saying that Love aint love unless you’ll die for it . Im just saying we’re getting too doped up with fantasy . We’re getting too intolerant of our wn impatience . We’re TOO VAIN , TOO WORRIED ABOUT FITTING IN . I’ll bet if someone assaulted you on the street in broad daylight on the street , people would just stand and watch . Someone would approach you and help you up just as soon as the assailant was Gone , but , face it , people … Most people are nice , but “NICE IS LAME ” As far as Good and bad are concerned WHO CAN SAY ?

Looking myself in the eye .Holding my own gaze . Wondering , always wondering whether i was telling myself the truth. My new father met me in the mirror . Came to my rescue . Swift tongued with eyes of sure fire , flames from beyond . He told me never to rely on anyone .There’s no one you got that cant leave , turn on ,or steal from you .There aint nothing ya got that ya can’t loose . THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE MY SON … IS YOURSELF .So , my soul is mine .That’s all i have in a world whose main function is to decieve me into believing that i can own anything for the right price .That all it takes is the right look , the right style . ALL I CAN EVER HOPE FOR IS THE POSSESSION OF MY SOUL . So leave me be , fifteen years of age and a fascination in the man Lennon .Leave me be , no … im lonely … even amongst my friends im an outcast . I live in a house that’s on the same road as my school . Gets dark early . I’ts autumn . The people i live with , my foster family , have nearby convinced me that every caukasian man, woman and child is rascist to a lesser or greater extent .They said it wasn’t just a matter of bigotry . They said it was more complex than that . They said that rascism was so deep in the history of the british culture that the majority of people were unconscious of its existence within them . My foster family meant well , i can see that now but only because , as an adult you gain insight into the twisted logic of the adult world . Though they believed in what they tried to instill within me , a sense of identity as a Black britishman . BLack BRITishman . A BLACK BRITISHMAN … HEAR ME ? BLACKI BLACK BLACK , BRITISHMAN … Actually , all they acheived was the opposite . Whether or not i ever was , i was no longer in a neutral place with regards to the issue of race . Through living with this family , rather than feeling reconciled to “my people” i felt further seperated from my friends .I already had problems with regards to relating to other kids on account of personal differences . Now it was as though my individuality was being swallowed by something altogether foreign to me . FALSE ! What could be more false than the idea that a likeness of skin colour and hair type could be enough .Enough what ? ENOUGH And as far as im concerned it wasn’t and never was . Of course i was the only member of that household to listen to and respect , let alone ,like the beatles .The family had a lot of relatives in london and so there were weekends where i’d have to go do the rounds with them . Visiting this aunt and uncle or that aunt and uncle . I loved it , at first , because these people were so very different from anything i’d known .London , i loved london . The largeness , movement and vibrancy strangeness and novelty of London city stirred something in me that i’ll always be grateful for . Grateful to that time . Grateful to my life . And grateful to that family , even though we were soon to fall out . BIG TIME !We argued . DAMN RIGHT WE QUARRELLED ! And it makes me sad now , though it shouldn’t because all it was , was life working itself out through us . “SO YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT ALL WHITE PEOPLE ARE RASCIST” “YES , THINK ABOUT IT , THINK ABOUT THE BOOKS YOU LEARNT TO READ WITH IN SCHOOL ” . The books i learnt to read with in school had large print . They had simplistic silly sweet little stories that and all the characters were white . This , of course , was the 1980s . The only famous black men you had were , Ediie Murphy , Lenny Henry and Frank Bruno . I dont recall any black women . In the 1980s it was still very much the case that the black characters were killed off early in movies . The were usually stereotypes , either shifty or comical . There were films where blacks were heroes but really only through association with the white lead guy . I wasn’t looking for a black role model . I turned ten years old in nineteen eighty seven . I was just a child in that decade and so i didn’t begrudge the media perception of Negroehood. By the time im in the car arguing with my foster family about the racial climate , im fifteen years old . Im fifteen old . Im Black and for the first time in my life everyone im living with is black . They come from a west indian background . They had lived in London , the nations heart , where my foster mother had been a social worker . I remember she told me , once she told me how she’d worked with teenaged black girls whose self harm had been a direct reflection of their sense of racial inferiority . When she looked at me she said what she saw was pretty much the same thing . Except , i didn’t hate myself . I was myself as an individual and i liked my individuality .Though they may have meant well , my foster family were robbing me of the sense of having the right to be who and what i was .One night i asked my foster mother ” if there was a war betweenn black and white , could i still listen to thje beatles ?” . That was before we fell out BIG TIME . WE HAD TO FALL OUT ! Fifteen years old . Man i was a born romantic . For as long as i could remember i’d dreamt of romance , all through primary school , i’d dreamt of romance . You think im joking ? I dreamt of romance . I never knew any black girls and them people i was living with were taking liberties in stance of speech that threatened my sense of self with regards to the beautiful brunettes in class . Didn’t stop me dreaming . Didn’t stop me hoping . Didn’t even stop me trying to get beneath the skin of Maryanne , Maryanne … My thoughts began upon a philophosy no one would understand . The world had left me no choice but to go deeper into myself . The dualism of my nature afforded me a carefree recklesss front that played distraction from my deep and melancholic core . Lovesick and lonely , a soul homesick and setting a course back to the mother realm of the unborn . LET US DIE TO THIS WORLD OF FAC’ADES AND DECEPTION , IT’S IGNORENCE AND BLINDNESS WILL ROB ME OF ME , LET ME DIE , LET ME OUT OF HERE !There is a society that co-exists within and alongside our adult MESS . It is a kingdom that i like to call the Kingdom of Kids . It is a Kingdom , not in the sense that it has a king or queen , but in the sense the that it has its own way of seeing things . It has promise , vitality and most importantly , it has spirit. In this Kingdom a street is something you might just as soon roll along as walk or run . The steps down into the park . You just as well jump . You are not alone in your thinking that life is about whatever turns you on as opposed to whatever salary you’re on . THE KINGDOM , AH , THE KINGDOM …! Where i went to school , there were very , very few children of a dark skin . Still, you were likely more likely to experience ridicule on account of a welsh or scottish accent than for the shade of you body . THERE WAS NO RACE PROBLEM EXCEPT FOR THE ONE PREACHED TO ME BY MY BLACK FOSTER PARENTS ! They had a take on things that they’d gotten from theirv lives and they were trying to superimpose it onto mine . One of the biggest problems with this was that ,while i was as african looking as , De La Soul … MY FAMILY WERE WHITE ! THEY STILL ARE ! The problem at the heart of all the problem adults ever had with me as i grew up , the problem was their failure to appreciate the fact that all i was interested in learning was ,WHO I AM NOT WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO BE ! And if that’s what you want , to be yourself , if that’s all you want then you find that YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON QUALIFIED TO BE A ROLE MODEL FOR YOU ! There are people , colours , musics and atmospheres EVERYWHERE that show you what you’re not … and what you are .And it’s just a matter of learning to read the signs FOR YOURSELF , IN YOUR OWN WAY , IN YOUR OWN TIME ! And even the Kingdom of kids has a problem with accepting this . It’s far too easy to over romantisize youth and memories of being younger and more self assured and more beleiving of the mythical “GOOD IN EVERYONE”. There is a “survival of the fittest” theme to childhood and adolescence that is equally as cruel as the dog eat dog theme of adult life . That’s why i say i was an outcast amongst my friends . Perhaps what’s cruellest about this “survival of the fittest ” theme through childhood , is the fact that all the while you’re having to toughen up to endure it , the adults are patronizing your innate wisdom with fuckin’ cliche’s like , “ignore them and they’ll go away” . There are many , many more but i dont carry around a list of them in my skull nor the depths of my pockets . When Kurt Cobain was going through his crises in the international spotlight upon the world stage i was tuned into the sixth decade of the 20th century . Now , when he shot himself , i had to take him seriously . I had to take him seriously , not as the poster boy of a fresh wave of youth culture . But as a raw force of individuality driven to despair by the emptiness of his dreams come true in a WORLD WHERE EVEN DREAMS MANIFEST AS NIGHTMARES !IM TELLING YOU THAT A MAN BECAME MY HEROE BECAUSE THE DISGUST HE FELT FOR THIS WORLD WAS STRONG ENOUGH THAT HE TOOK A SHOTGUN TO HIS HEAD AND BLEW IT OFF ! 1994 . I was sixteen and although they class you an adult at eighteen , i had no fuckin’ intention of staying here long enough for them to have me forced on a daily basis to do something that made everyday school attendance seem less like burdensome demand and more like an invite to socialize in the Kingdom … AH , KINGDOM !It’s not a kingdom in that it’s a place .Nor is it a Kingdom in the sense that it falls under the authority of an ethos or manifesto . ‘Cause despite the peer preesures and the needs and desires to belong to some crowd or other , the prevailing nature of that Kingdom is spontaneous , ingenius in it’s simplicity , heart wrenching in it’s sweetness and compassion , beautiful and humbling in it’s optimism inspiring in it’s courage and brutal in its honesty . THE KINGDOM OF TEENHOOD IS WITHIN YOU ! PEACE , LOVE , EMPATHY xxx

There’s this world and there’s me , and we are at war , always at war . I have heard it said ” if you want to destroy your enemy , turn him against himself “. Im talking about the way they start in with the programming straight away . As far as im concerned , that’s messing with the innate nature you were given .We’re born with certain instincts we need , not only for survival , but also for enjoyment . We’re given minds of great expanse with which to treasure the mystery of it all . But right away they’re trying to make out like they know everything and you know nothing . Right away They are trying to tell you what’s what and how ya do this and how ya do that . What makes you a freak and what doesn’t . So,you’re born , straight away they’re trying to convince you that blue is for boys and pink is for girls .It sounds funny to point that out , right? but that stays with you your whole life . Am i wrong ? Then there’s the naming of you .You’re given a name for life . So ya either grow into it or ya dont . And if ya dont , you can change it … but that’s a bureaucratic hassle . That’s not the point anyway . The point is , as i see it , from our Society’s point of view you are born to grow up into someone or something that validates Society’s views on what life’s all about . Even though Society and your innate nature may differ drastically . Although , of course , it would be impossible not to have hopes as to who your kid’s gonna be . The reality of it is that we probably dont have the right to expect anything . Not even good health . Hope is one thing , expectation’s another . The way i see it , every baby born comes with a message from mother nature . “Mother nature” i hate that term . It sounds so cozy and tranquil like nature’s some benevolent force whose love for us is rich with nothing but kindness . But that’s bullshit and most of us have learnt that the hard way . Society knows damn well what i mean “every child born comes with his or her own message from the source of life” .Society , for the most part , does’nt wanna listen . That’s why Sam’s gettin’ blue socks and Samantha’s getting pink. Oh and their names were chosen before birth . Got it ? Society aint about to let a kid wear a name for the first seven years under the understanding that she or he can rename themselves at say, age eight . That would be a nice way of tellin’ the newcomers to Earth that their society understood that if a person’s gonna go through life with a word attached to their identity , then they ought to like it . It shouldn’t simply be a matter of getting used to it .For all we know , this is it .

THERE AINT A HEAVEN , THERE’S NOWHERE AND NOTHING AFTER THIS ONE SINGLE LIFE . Now if that’s the way we’re looking at things , then there’s two very important questions that needs asking .WHAT REALLY REALLY REALLY , MATTERS ? and WHAT IS THE WORLD , ? Isn’t the world just some big machine . Dont we feed it’s engine with our souls . What matters to me ? truth and love . Ironically i’m the most offensive hypocrite i know . But everyday i go to war with the hypocrisy in me . Even though that means seeking out the darkness in me . The ugliness within me and being honest with myself . There are two sides to this all important coin . On one side ” i say there is good in everyone” on the other i say ” the killer in me is the killer in you .” This is to say that i want to know all of who i am so that i may be all that i am in this , my one and only life . That is my fuckin’ birthright . And yours too . To know thyself . WE NEED AN HONEST WORLD . Because the honest truth is that palestinian and israeli children deserve as much a chance as british , african , asian or american children . The lie is that it has ta be this way , it always has been and always will be this way . BULLSHIT ! Our government should serve us rather than it be the case of the many serve the few . We should run them rather than they run us . And foreign policy ? We should all have a say . The way things are in the world now are wrong . And the problems go way further than which government we vote in . Assuming the buisiness of voting is an honest one . The earth OUR planet has become a place where the function of most of our lives is to fill our minds and hearts with materialistic values and damn the rest . Damn everything beyond what Money will buy you . We are being lured into forgetting that we are much much more . I made a mistake at the beginning , i am not at war with the world . The world is at war with me . And all i do is resist . When i can and however i can . We learn our names from the lips of others at an age when we’re too young to know better . From start to finish there’s the continual effots to get you to see reality through the lense of conventionality . And conventionality is discriminate , small minded , outdated and sustained to serve the few . MONEY MONEY MONEY ! That’s all you are . Money . That’s all you’re worth . MONEY ! aND THAT’S ALL THEY’RE INTERESTED IN IN YOU FOR … MONEY ! BUT WE ARE MUCH MORE . SO WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THIS ? WHAT SAY YOU ?

it’s happening too fast. and it’s happening to us not through us, as the case should be. All that is true is too great for words and so the inadequacy of words robs the truth of it’s fullness, it’s glory.

Rather than acknowledging this and slowing our tongues to allow our minds time to gather themselves in order to communicate with all it’s power to communicate, rather than expanding our powers of communication, we continue to limit ourselves to the popular modern clichés and the brainless catchphrases that come from the cozy, sugar coated american sitcoms we sedate our eyes and minds with. We limit ourselves by default with our esteeming verbal and written communication above all other ways. Many of those other ways are far more subtle, though at the same time appearing to be straightforward, in actual fact the power of suggestion is masked or dressed up in humour, flirtation and sarcasm.

These powers of suggestion are everywhere you look whether you see them or not and they are there to cloud your judgment in order that your perception of yourself does not grow independent of the media, the magazines, newspapers, TV programmes and movies…Al these have a vested interest in making sure that you stay the type of person they can manipulate. They want us insecure.

How much money do we spend on possessing things to make us appear a certain way in the eyes of our friends, enemies…even family and strangers*

we are being robbed of our identities. as soon as we are born it begins. the war between contraction and the broadening of your mind. the Right to establish YOUR identity independent of what is said and thought of your race and gender. that Right is your Birth Right.

A thousand voices claiming to be mine. the dark in the sunlight. noise choking the mind…whose life is this*…are those your eyes you see life through*…in your own words, tell me who you are…WHO ARE YOU.